EP 3: "She Deserved Better Than That"

This one's a rapid-fire highlight reel from my Florida era — some wild nights out, bullseye piercings, unexpected hook-ups, and a few moments that are equal parts hilarious and cringe worthy. It's messy, it's out of order, ad it's definitely not the whole story (some names and details are off-limits). But even in the blur, these nights shaped me, tested me, and taught me more about friendship than I realized at the time.

From bloody eyebrows in Key West to the my favorite awkward hook-up exit strategy, consider this one of the last appetizers before the real chaos kicks in.  

The Unhinged Ginge is my unfiltered memoir in podcast form, just stories. The laughter is loud, the hindsight is still nursing a hangover, and the details are... as accurate as memory allows.

Like, Listen, & Follow

TikTok | Instagram | YouTube @unhingedgingepodcast

Spotify, Apple, IHeartRadio https://linktr.ee/theunhingedginge

Transcript

0:00

What's up guys? Okay, so we are back for another one. Uh, last time I left you with like my chaos with the Florida thing and the roommate and the breaking me up and so on and whatever. And as I said in the last one, this roommate, even though I love her dearly, we had a bit of a falling. Uh, she does not wanna be involved with this. Um, and that's totally fine. I respect it, So, um, I'm gonna give you highlight reel of some of, my favorite moments of nonsense that happened in the time that we lived together. I'm sorry. I'm a little disheveled. She's feeling a little rough today. I just, uh, I just got off work and came home to do this because, because I need to.'cause I love it. So, uh, it's cheaper than therapy, right? So, um, this isn't gonna be tidy and it's not gonna be linear by any stretch of the imagination. it's, gonna be uh, these few moments that. made this era kind of unforgettable for me. rah, here we go. So bing bang, boom moments with my old bestie. ooh. Okay. Okay. Where do I begin? Um. So we used to dance a lot. All right. So we used to dance a lot. she had taken me out, I bought my first pair of high heels with her. I learned how to be like a chick. I don't know, such a tomboy. I still am very much a tomboy, but she taught me how to sit in my femininity, even though I'm still not really great at it. and we went dancing a lot. whenever we would get ready to go dancing. We would always, pregame'cause we were minors so we were shooting Cuervo and drinking Captain Cokes. she would always get us to the club while I drank on the way. then we would drink in the parking lot'cause I had a higher tolerance than her. And then, we would go into the club and we would dance our asses off. She would stay drunk. After the pre-gaming in the parking lot, and I would sweat out most of my booze. So at least in my brain I thought I was sober. So, um, sober enough to get home. Luckily that always worked out. so yeah, so a lot of it kind of starts or stops or sites somewhere involved with the clubs specifically. when Paris Hilton opened a nightclub. And we went to that a lot. I mean, it's 2005, so of course we did. one of the times we ended up going home with roommates, they happened to live, about 45 minutes to an hour away from the city, over by the beach. We had left and we had gone to party with them and hookup mainly was the, that was the goal. But we had took her car'cause that was what we did. we go over to these two dudes house. They were also roommates and we're trying to hook up. I was banging this dude and he made a comment about how when we were done, we should switch and he should then get my roommate, and then I would go fuck his roommate. And I'm like, who the fuck do you think you are? Like, what do I look Like I'm not a whore. what are you talking about? And he is like, well, um, I've only known you for a couple hours and uh, I'm inside you. So, uh, are you not? And I don't even know what got into me because still to this day, the only person I've ever hit in my life. But I just wound up and punched him right in the nose, punched him right in the face. So I like to think I broke his nose just because fuck that guy, So the only time I've ever hit someone. I hit them in the face while they were inside of me. So that's kind of fun. That's a fun little tidbit. next one would probably be when we were about to go out and we were both kind of in a mood and she was just like, I just want something different. I just wanna do something different. So she's like, I wanna get my nipples pierced. And I'm like, okay, bet. I'll go with you. Sounds cool. So I then decided that I was gonna get my clit pierced as well, because you know, why not? Why the fuck not? So went with her to the piercing parlor And um, this guy pierced me I think his name was Bear. I don't know, bygones, it doesn't matter. Got a piercing. So we go, we get these piercings. but it's not gonna stop us from going to club. I'm like, Hey, can we go dancing tonight? And he's like, yeah, no problem. I'm like, okay, cool. So we go to the club, I get off the table and I'm like, take a couple steps. I was like, oh shit. I see the purpose. I might pick up jogging. This is nice. This is really nice. I did not pick up jogging, and it was only nice for a little bit because the whole goal was kind of like, guys are idiots, right? They can't find that shit. I mean, when they can, they can, but like when you're 19, no one fucking can. If they can, it's like a diamond in the rough or diamond in the bush, I don't know, but it's a diamond in something and it doesn't happen very fucking often. So I figured why not put a bullseye on that bitch? Right? Let's go. So. We go out to the club afterwards, we're dancing, we're having a good time. And he like, you know, it's 2005 so that you're always like grinding on a thigh on some dude's thigh for whatever fucking reason. And I was avoiding thigh grinding obviously, because I had a very sensitive piercing that I just got. So, nothing happened to the club, obviously did not hook up with anybody that night because like, no. Open wound. We're not doing that. But the little tie into that was after this had happened and I had done this and got this piercing or whatever, we had gone up to Virginia for my sister's 21st birthday. And uh, my sister love her. She's incredible, but we are definitely different people. And so it's her 21st birthday and people are ordering her drinks and she's giving them to my 19-year-old ass because. she doesn't drink at the time. She doesn't want to. She's like, she is not into it. We were at a chain restaurant and there was a long, table that had like her friends and then some like, family group friends, whatever it was. And, sitting across from my mom and my dad. And I'm in, I'm in a mood, like I'm just, I was not the best version of myself at this time. I had just dropped a bunch of weight and I didn't just sit into like confidence. I sat into like, I feel so good about myself, I'm gonna be an asshole.'cause I thought my shit didn't stink like you do when you're 19 years old. so I'm gonna twist my hair'cause this little back part that won't go in my pony is driving me bonkers. So I'm just like. Okay talking. Dad sees that I have new tattoos.'cause at that time I was getting tattooed pretty rapidly.'cause once you start right, it is just, you just keep going. So I was getting tattooed pretty rapidly and dad's like, oh, you got a new tattoo.? I'm like, yeah, I got a few of'em. What? He was like, oh, is there anything else you want to tell me about? And I'm like, yeah, dad, all you've been talking this joke about a little boy and a little girl. I'm gonna ruin this joke. It's not even gonna be a joke, but it's something about like, they're walking to school and they have new bikes and it's like, oh, well mine's a five speed. oh, mine's a 10 speed. And back and forth, back and forth. And it goes into basically being this little boy, getting frustrated with this girl. Always one-upping him. And so then the punchline of the joke is he pulls down his pants and he goes, well, I've got one of these. So she pulls down her pants and says, well, I've got one of these, and with one of these I can get as many of those as I want. And so it was constantly in a house of, you were a woman, you have power. So, um, me being the asshole that I was in that, um, scenario, I told my father in front of a group of people at a dinner table that, he had always been talking about the power of the"P". So I decided to give my power a crown and, um. That was great. That was a great family affair. I'm not super proud of myself, but it was kind of funny. It was kind of funny. any who, so yeah, so there's the piercing debacle. So what's next? What's next? there was another time when we were down in the Keys and we were day drinking and partying like we, you know, per usual. and she had fallen up the stairs, which was, you know, pretty standard. We were clumsy, clumsy ladies. she bonked her head really hard. She split her eyebrow open and um, it was hilarious. And she was like, I'm like trying to find her. I'm like, where is she? Because I just feel like, uh, because I'm like, was like whimpering. I'm like, where's it going from? And there's these steps are like this. It's like an A-frame step. And so I'm trying to find her and I'm looking all over the property. I can't find her, so I go up the side of the steps and to look over and look down the other side of the steps. And then I see her just like, just sprawled out on the downside, like going up the side of the steps, just bleeding from her face. It's just like, oh. And she's just like, huh, look, she looks thrilled. It didn't seem like it was phasing her at all. So. We, um, I got her upstairs, put her in the shower, took this really epic photo of her with blood dripping down. I wish I still had it. Save more pictures, man. This was before smartphone, so it was not as easy. It was just disposable. So I'm hoping she still has that copy because it was a really good one. So. We are dealing with this. She is absolutely concussed. She's bleeding from the head, get her in the shower, wash off this blood. I'm like, do not go to sleep. Do not go to sleep. You can't go to sleep. Have a concussion. But of course we're still just drinking. And so we eventually both just pass out and then we wake up. She's still has an open wound still like, like bleeding. So we end up hopping the car like, let's go to party, let's go down to Duval Street, whatever. So we drive the long drive that it takes us to get down there. So we go down there and we park, we walk, we are on Duval Street for all of like two fucking seconds before this dude comes up and it's like, blah, blah. Like just. La la la whatever, shows us his Prince Albert for absolutely no reason. I'm trying to get her to the convenience store because I'm trying to buy super glue so I can like fuse this eyebrow back together so we can party. And so we just super glued it and just kept it rolling like you do. Um, not happy about that scar. She wasn't for the longest. I hope, it's not something that bothers her now because I think it was cute. Um. Let's see, what else can we do to roll through this? Um. I feel like I'm spit firing these really fast at you guys, I know it's a lot and it's kind of all over the place, but, once we get past these awkward chapters and once I get divorced, we are in it to win it, and then everything just gets way more fun, I promise. But we have to honor the parts that got us there. Right. So, I think probably the last one maybe, just'cause like I said, I feel kind of icky talking about this. There's just much. Uh, there was so much. I love her. Anyway, I digress. I think probably, uh. One of my favorites is for sure when, we had met these guys in the parking lot, I think we were leaving, Like universal Orlando, like the like big ass night clubby thing that used to be a big deal back in the early two thousands. And, um, bumps in these guys in the parking lot. We always be bumping in. These dudes in the parking lot, bumped in these, into these dudes in the parking lot. Ended up going back to their place and I'm hanging out with this guy. We're having a good time. We are making out, we are messing around And I put my hand down his pants and, uh, it's a micro penis situation. And like, no shame, guys. No shame. Just didn't know how to handle it at the time. So I didn't want this guy to feel bad about the, you know, something that he has zero fucking control over. So I didn't want him to feel bad about it, so I was like, oh yeah. So I'm making out, I give him like the courtesy. Like two minute handy or like pinky thingy. Not even a handy. It was more like a thingy. So I give him like the courtesy two minute little, like, like finger job. And I'm like, I'm gonna go to the bathroom and freshen up the floor. This gets any further. So I go to the bathroom and um, I stay in there for a couple minutes and I come out and I faked a period. I was like, man. I am so sorry, but I just got my period and he is like, oh no, that's totally fine. Like I don't care at all. I was like, oh my God, that is so great. I really appreciate the fact that you don't care. This is the first time that I'm hooking up with you and it just would make me uncomfortable, so like I'd rather not. I'm like, I'm so sorry. And so it's like, I'm like, I'm gonna get dressed. This is so embarrassing. So I fake a period to not fuck a teeny pee. And then I get my clothes on and I go, to leave. And I'm like, where is she? So I'm like, Hey girl, go. Hey girl, where are you? And then. Like here she is like pops her head up, from the other side of the couch because I guess she never made it to a bedroom. She was just on the floor like a champion and just walks up. It's like what? And I'm like, oh go. We gotta go. We gotta go. And she's like, oh yeah, no problem. She just hops off. This dude doesn't ask any questions, ride or die. Fucking bitch. I love her. She just hops off this dude. No questions. She's like, lemme grab my purse We get in the car. I'm like, girl. She's like, is everything okay? I'm like, yeah man, everything's fine. It was like, it's just on a micro. I was that uh. I didn't even know what to do with it. I didn't know. I didn't, at the time, I didn't know they made dicks that small. Um. Bro, bro. I was like, dude, she's like, oh my God, his roommate too. And I was like, oh my God, are you serious? Why'd you fuck him? And she's like, I, I, I felt bad. And I was like, oh my God, I did too. I faked a period. And she like, but that totally checks out. So then we, you know, went to Denny's or whatever and had some pancakes and went home alone. all in all, it was a successful evening. these are literally just blips and hiccups and things, but they were all silly little building blocks to what eventually turned into this like wild debaucherous life that I've led. And even though this is like, you know, I'm not, I'm super pumped about this episode. I don't feel super confident in it right now, but that's totally fine'cause they're not all gonna be fucking winners. But I'm gonna keep going because I know it gets more interesting. I just wanna honor her in some way, shape or form. I'll close out with saying that I fucked up. I was an irresponsible, uh, twat and I did not know what I was doing. I was in and outta jobs and I was learning. I was learning how to bartend and I was so consumed with the crushes that I had on people and just letting these random hookups and these men kind of like rule. I just wanted to be loved so bad. I think, you know, it's like I. Was looking for it in the wrong places because she loved me the entire time and I didn't give her the respect that I deserved because I was looking for the same thing from a man when I should have been looking for it in the friendship that I had with her. And so when everything kind of hit the fan and it did. Hard. I lost my job. I had no money. her parents were covering my rent and I promised her when we moved in that that was never gonna fucking happen because it had happened to her so many times before. And I broke that promise. And then on my last night there, um, in our apartment before my father had to come down and pick me up'cause my car had broken down, I had no money, everything was fucked. And he came down to pick me up to move me back to Virginia and. When he came down to get me, I should have been spending that last night with her and I wasn't. I was with strangers doing cocaine and acting like a fucking asshole because I didn't know how to process my feelings. And she deserved better than that. She deserved a lot better than that'cause she was there for me the whole fucking time. And when she needed me to say bye to her, when she needed me to love her, I fucking dropped the ball. And, uh. She knows who she is and I hope she's fine. I'm fucking sorry. I am deeply fucking sorry. You were awesome. And I think you know as well as I do that there are so many better stories and so many more stories than this. And sorry for everyone who is not involved that I just, just spitfire through them, but it is kind of a touchy subject and I was hoping that I could collaborate with her to refresh these memories a little bit with me at least giving you guys a little taste, um, of what that year and a half I was with her in, um, that chapter. And, um, yeah, so I got picked up and moved back to Virginia and. It was absolutely devastating and a big defeat for me. It was, in October or September, October. I was uh, 20. And it's also going to introduce a new person who I still to this day love very dearly and is very special to me. And it's also going to talk about the fact that I married a man that I only knew for 10 fucking weeks, because talk about wanting to be loved. And um, yeah, once we get that out of the way with the next one. Then the real fun starts. So if you have stuck around so far, if you have stuck around so far, um, the chaos hasn't even begun yet and it gets so much more fun. So I am going to wrap up. I know this one was crazy. Like I said, I just got off work and I'm feeling a little crazy. Um, I'm feeling a little unhinged. And I'm also feeling like it's time to go to bed because we have a wedding to go to this weekend. This is a big weekend and it's my people from Austin I moved to Austin with that husband. and so that chapter hasn't even come up yet, I will be talking to these people at this wedding and we're gonna have some new stories. It's gonna be super fun. We're gonna recant. I love. So I guess, um, I guess that's it for today. in case no one's told you lately? It is totally okay to miss people that don't wanna talk to you anymore. And, uh, that's it. I'll see you next Tuesday.