EP 2: "I Have No F—ing Skills"

This week we're moving past Myrtle Beach and straight into my first official boyfriend, the decision to drop out of college, and the glamorous beginnings of my bartending career at the green age of 19. 

We'll talk about, white lighters, poorly named restaurants, my dog pooping out my weed in the middle of the neighborhood, and some other fun highlights. It's the start of my "real adult life".... if you can call it that.

The Unhinged Ginge is my unfiltered memoir in podcast form, just stories. The laughter is loud, the hindsight is still nursing a hangover, and the details are... as accurate as memory allows.

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@unhingedgingepodcast

The Unhinged Ginge is my unfiltered memoir in podcast form, just stories. The laughter is loud, the hindsight is still nursing a hangover, and the details are... as accurate as memory allows.

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TikTok | Instagram | YouTube @unhingedgingepodcast

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Transcript

0:13

All right. Hey guys. Welcome back. Thanks for coming back. Um, this is the Unhinged Ginge I am Beaux, episode two. Feeling a little more confident I think. Anywho. let's see. We ended with, me going off to college, so that's where we are going to pick up. So I went to college in Florida, and I left everything in Virginia. I traveled a lot as a kid, so getting far away, from a space I'd been in my opinion, staying too long was imperative. So I left Virginia and I went down to Florida to go to school and, um, had some really stellar roommates that I met at orientation. Super fun. Very cool girls. Good girls. much, much better women than I was, that's for sure. anywho, so, um, I finally got a boyfriend when I was in college. sweet, sweet baby. little Jewish guy. I don't know if he wants me to use his name or not, so I'm not going to but respect. You were the best. he was a sweet angel. I ended up taking his virginity, which was really cute. he cared a lot more about that than I did, obviously from what you heard last episode. So I like lit candles. You know, I made a playlist. No know it had Coldplay on it, you know, it did. So. Shout out to cold play, for, for that magical moment with, that sweet man. he was fantastic. He treated me right. He was a really good guy. And, um, at the end of that first year of college, we had been together, I guess like three. Three or four months, not long. Felt like a long time. When it's your first boyfriend, it's like, oh my God, three months. But now that I'm saying out loud and thinking in hindsight like. Holy shit. We'd only been together three months. No wonder his mother responded the way that she did. I was pissed at the time and now I'm like, oh wait. Yeah, she had a really good, she had a good point and probably been fucking mad too. So I dropped out, of college at the end of my first year. Uh, my mentor. had killed himself and shot his wife. It was pretty intense. So, um, the wind was just taken straight out of my sails. So I dropped outta school and, didn't have a plan. told my parents that I dropped outta school and didn't have a plan and that I would, call them when I, when I did have a plan. I'm such an asshole. Um, so I. Drove down to South Florida where he lived, to stay with him for the summer because I was in, an apartment in college, but it was student affiliated housing. And I thought that I was gonna be fine because, my lease wasn't up until August and this was at like the end of May, very beginning of June. So I was like, oh, it'll be fine. At least I have somewhere to stay for the next three months. Well, when I dropped out. I didn't, um, realize, even though it seems so fucking obvious now that I was not gonna have a place to live, and they told me I had to like vacate the premises, so I had nowhere to go. So, um, ooh, almost said his name. So Sweet Baby Angel. Um, so I was like, oh no, just come stay at my place for the summer. It'll be totally fine. Mom's fine with it, blah, blah, blah. So he told me that his mother was okay with this. I drive down there and find out when I get there that he hadn't actually even told her what was going on. So, everyone, he, he told her all my way down basically is what happened. So she was shocked and not pleased. But what are you gonna do? Are you gonna like tell this 19-year-old girl that she's homeless now? Or like, I don't know. So She grinned and beared it and was as nice, I guess, as she could be for what we both just dropped on her. So, uh, in full respect of that, I slept on the couch, not in his room.'cause that's the way that her rules were and that's how she wanted. I cleaned, I cooked, I did everything that I possibly could, but still had to, ask him what a shikha was. Because I heard that word a lot and didn't, didn't realize what that meant, but you know, whatever. So it wasn't, um, the most ideal, uh, situation, but it was a roof over my head. His mother was very kind to give that to me, and sorry about that. Um. We could have, we could have been better people. We for sure could have been better people. I could have been a better person. But, all the men in his family loved me. They thought I was fantastic. But the women were definitely in the shiksa territory as, uh, as far as their feelings for me were concerned. Um, I decided that I was going to go back to Orlando.'cause I definitely was not staying in South Florida, so I, had packed up my shit and headed back. He also was going back to school. We were still together, so it just made sense. So, went back to Orlando. I found some roommates on roommates.com'cause this was like 2005, I found a house with three people, a couple and this other guy, and they were all much older than me, but probably in their late twenties, so probably maybe like 10 years. felt like a lot more at the time for sure. I just, I did, it didn't fit right, so I decided to stop along the way, and went to a, um, oh my God. We adopt dogs. A shelter. I went to a shelter, I went to adopt a dog.'cause I'd asked them before I got up there, like, Hey, is it okay if I have a dog? Even though I didn't even have a dog. And they were like, yeah, we have two. It's fine. No big deal. So I was like, okay, perfect. So I adopted a dog on my way to go move in with these people.'cause I just did not wanna be alone. I had no furniture, I had nothing. I had, like my clothes. And, an air mattress and a dog. My car was loaded up. I had left the front seat open for this dog that I was gonna adopt, and I went and got her. She was incredible. Her name was Stone. Um, stoner actually, because she ate my weed a lot. When I moved in. I thought that I was hiding it too well from myself and that I was just high and I couldn't remember. Where I put it. And then I was taking her for a walk and she shit a plastic baggie and I was like, this bitch. And she would not answer to any name that I had tried to name her that first two weeks that I had her. She would not respond at all, but when she shit that bag, I was like, you fucking stoner. And shook her tail and she was wagging and she was so excited and I was like, oh my God. Is that your name? And I was like, stoner sick. And she did. And that was it. So I called her stone instead of stoner, for my parents' sake. And, yeah, so got my dog, moved into this house, was sleeping on this air mattress. the duration of me living there, I was sleeping on that air mattress, but that living situation didn't actually, last that long because I ended up, I had saved money when I was in South Florida. I was working at a cell phone kiosk in the mall, back when singular was the thing, and I had saved some cash and was paying my rent and whatever. But then it's like, I, I didn't, I could not find a fucking job. And so it. Got to the point where I was like, I have no skills. That's what this is, is I have no fucking skills. So what am I going to do? So I had enough money. I could either go to bartending school and hope for the best, and hopefully it would get me a job, or I could pay next month's rent and I'd have a home for a month, but potentially couldn't get a job because I didn't, I have skills doing anything. So I opted for bartending school. So I ended up going to bartending school and It was like a week, like a 40 hour, five day week thing to like teach how to do, the basics of the tricks of the trade. it was really cool. It was like this old guy that taught us and he owned the building. He was a chain smoker and I had ended up, Not. I had quit smoking for like six months at that point. I was very proud of myself. But man, sitting in that classroom eight hours a day and having this dude blow fucking cigarettes smoke in your face. Whew. I made it, I think, one or two days in that class before I ended up breaking down. I went outside on our break because we'd have like a little hour break in the middle of things and I went outside and, this chick that was in bartending school with me and walked up to me and asked if she could bump a cigarette, and I was like, I don't have any, I was actually about to go buy a pack and she was like, dude, I quit. And I'm like, dude, me too. And she is like, yeah, but I just can't be in this classroom with this guy blowing smoke in my face because. Now I want a cigarette. And I was like, alright, bet So we ended up, buying a pack and splitting it. And then that was like the second day of glass. And after that we just sat next to each other every day and became thick as thieves. I have spoken to her. She did, she told me to change her name. we will talk about that later. I owe her a lot. And one of the things I owe her is an apology. she was amazing. She is amazing and I miss her terribly. But any who, so she, ended up living not too far from this place that I was renting with these people. So she. and I went out one night, blah, blah, blah, crashed at her place and it just kind of turned into like a, why don't we move in together? she had a one bedroom, but her lease was about to run up and everything just kind of worked out great so that I could fall in and we could live together. And we both, like, we went and applied for jobs together and everything else, and we both ended up getting hired at the same. Restaurant. So we both end up getting hired at the same restaurant. it has to be closed by now, but it was called the Captain and the Cowboy, which now working at so many gay bars that I have, that name is hilarious. it was in an old like plantation house and it had three stories it was. Broken in half based on themes. So half of it was this country theme with like steer horns and, and fucking like. Lots of wood and saddles and shit, and they played country music. And then the other side for the captain was, beach themed and, had these beautiful murals on the wall with like the ocean whatnot, and played a lot of Bob Marley and more of like a Caribbean type vibe. So I guess if you can't make up your mind might as well just, split down the middle. So, we applied there as bartenders, but they, They hired us as waitresses, which was fine. It wasn't because they didn't want us to bartend. It was because neither one of us was 21. And even though you didn't have to be 21 in Florida to attend bar, that's just what this place wanted. So it was like, all right, fine. So I'm 19. I'm not mad about it. in August when we had gotten these jobs the restaurant hadn't opened yet. So it was kind of one of those things where. They basically hired half the staff with no experience, the other half the staff with experience. And we did it where like they said like within three days you're gonna know and we're gonna fire most of you. So it's like, oh shit. So I kept my job. Unfortunately she did not. It just. Uh, in the cards for her at the time. But, um, loved that place. Food was great. they'd serve us underage, so we would go, we'd drive 40 minutes to get there before we'd go and tear the town up. I don't even know why I'm talking about this restaurant so much. It's crazy. But that's how I started in, this business. So I was waiting tables and my boss was like, Beaux. Like, what are you doing man? Like, you, like,'cause I'm sitting on businessman's laps. I'm having like a party and he is like, you need to be behind a bar. You cannot be working in fine dining and things like this. Like this is not, this isn't what you're cut out for. So he ended up getting me a job, with at, at a biker bar that was a few miles away. And that's how I started. My bartending journey. I remember I walked in there, I was wearing six inch stilettos and a miniskirt. I was ready for this interview. I was like, yes, no one's gonna say no to me today. And, um, turns out their day shift girl had, not shown up. So since she pulled no call, no show, and I went in for an interview, I ended up having to bartend right that day, um, in six inch heels and a miniskirt at a biker bar. And I was like, please, for the love of fucking God, just straight shots of liquor and beer. Straight shots of liquor and beer.'cause even though I knew what I was doing, I had no fucking clue what I was doing. I took a class and like I said last episode, like you can't just read a book and, um, and expect to know what the fuck you're doing. Yeah. You have to, you have to exercise that. And I hadn't exercised shit yet. So I ended up, um, going out with her one night and all we had on us were our IDs, uh, pack of cigarettes and two white lighters. And my boyfriend at the time was like, man, you gotta get rid of those white lighter or bad look. And I never thought anything of it. And uh, we go out to this club, we're dancing, chilling, having a good time. And first thing was that all of the cigarettes in the pack, we lost the pack and we ended up finding it on the dance floor and they were all like broken right at the filter. So I was like, damn, that fucking sucks. But wasn't nearly as big as a deal. Like, uh, wasn't nearly as big of a deal considering we were trying to leave af like when the club closed and she couldn't find her keys. Um. If actually I take that back, I couldn't find her keys because I had pockets and she did not. And so I was carrying everything. So this was completely my fault. The keys had fallen out of my pocket and we're looking around, we go out, we're like, well, let's just so go check on the car. And of course not, because it's got one of those like key fobs on like beep, beep beep. So, someone just must have walked around the parking lot beeping on this thing until they found her SUV and they stole it. So here we are dressed like sluts just standing on the street corner, 2005 in a dimly lit Ali, waiting for the cops to come.'cause we don't have. Her car. So we are waiting on the curb for the cops to come. The cops never fucking come. So, we are dressed like hookers, standing on the corner, waiting with the cops to show up, because we need to file a report or something. the cops up, were not very helpful. They kept staring at my tits. So, didn't get much from them. Ended up hitchhiking home, with some dudes. I think it was in a truck. I don't know. It's all kind of fuzzy, but we couldn't get into the house. so we ended up having them drop us off at my boyfriend's apartment because I knew he was awake and our cell phones were in the car, so we did not have any act. And my keys. We're in the car, so we had no way to get to my house. We had no way to get to her house, and we had no way to contact anybody. So we just went to my boyfriend's place and just banged on the door until they opened it. And um, he sure shit was just like, I told you not to go out with those white lighters. And we're like, you've gotta be kidding me. So this is, we borrowed his phone. She called her parents, told them, excuse me, he told them what happened and, We're standing out on the balcony smoking and he is like talking about shit about these white lighters. So we just throw the white lighters off the balcony and we're like, fine. Fuck it. They're that bad luck?. Let's get rid of'em. So we get rid of'em and I kid you not within an hour of throwing out those white lighters. her father had called my boyfriend to get in touch with her to let her know that. Someone had messaged him from her phone saying that he had a change of heart and had left her car in a church parking lot, and the keys were under the seat and gave him the address of where her car could be located. Like, you have to be fucking kidding me. So we, had my man drop us off there and, Yeah, sure. As shit. And he had bagged up everything, like unhooked her system in the bag, like our amps and like speakers and shit, unhooked, all of Put them on like everything in her car. Trash, not trash, everything just in grocery bags and. Randomly just had a change of heart as soon as we threw out these fucking white lighters, a change of heart and left it in the parking lot for us to grab. So with his change of heart, I also had a change of heart. And, um, shortly thereafter I ended up breaking up with that guy, sweetheart. But I realized after I took a road trip to Virginia with my roommate. That I was silly in love with my best friend and that I wasn't doing myself any favors by staying in a relationship with a person that clearly cared more about me than I cared about him. And that was another lesson in itself but it did open up a very big window for me to walk through kind of propelled my party nature, so this one might have been a little bit of a connecting episode so that we understand where we were getting, but I the next one's got some spicy shit in it. So, um, I think that's that. I think we're gonna wrap it up today. Thanks for showing up, and I will see you next Tuesday.