EP 12: "Let's Just Wet Our Pants. I mean, Why Not?"

Hey Guys!

In episode 12 we are on the phone with Levi for some more chaotic tales from the Caribbean and our escape back stateside. We're recounting our time working and engaging in crazy antics. But also we both have pretty severe ADHD and we're both a little "perma-fried" so try to keep up.     ;-)

Since this was my first phone interview/co-host opportunity we ran into some technical difficulties and we're working on figuring them out so this doesn't happen again next week.... but forgive the audio. Unfortunately my editing app was down along with a bunch of other apps and internet issues today. I've been told that one of the billionaires had something to do with the glitches today, I honestly don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised. Anyhoo.....  I had to a layering issue and had to use phone audio instead of mic audio and it's from Levi's phone. Long, long, long story short, sorry for the audio quality. It will be back to normal next week.

See You Next Tuesday

Transcript

0:00

What's up guys? And welcome back to episode 12 of the Unhinged J. I'm super pumped today because I got my fucking sweet baby Angel Levi with me, and I've been really excited what we're introducing you guys. We're gonna recant the story of, of our Caribbean time today. He was there much longer than me. How long were you there, honey? So, you know, it's all a big blur and it happens in seasons, but over the course of like four or five years, it felt like two decades, So much, much longer than my fucking three and a half months of terror. It got a higher pain tolerance than I do. Oh. so we're gonna go through it today. I can't even remember since we took a break, where I left you off, but I think I just kind of told you the story of Justin last time, so I don't really think there's anything to recall. So fuck it. how about we start when we met? How about there, honey? Hmm. Help me. So Chef and you came to sit at the bar and I wanna say it may have been the same. I wanna say it was like, I think you just got there like a day or two and I don't know why exactly he brought you in to meet me, but he did.'cause I guess, you know, we'd like each other and obviously we do, But from the moment like I met you, I was like, oh wow, this chick is like. Way cooler I didn't realize that he wanted me to meet you. I thought it was just a spot where he drank. So like, I don't even recall that people have done that a lot me there.'cause they know I'm obnoxious and I'm, and I'm just lose control and I'm a lot of fun behind a bar. So, you know, he wanted me to meet you, but he didn't tell me a whole lot about you other, that you were coming from Austin. And so, I'm from Texas, so I guess that'd be like a thing, you know, like a French thing. And, uh, I did not know that, like, you know. His penis would end up in my mouth or vice versa after, you know? I know. I didn't know that either. And I didn't tell any of the humans who listened to me on this yet either. Spoil alert. Yeah, spoil alert. We were gonna get there, but we'll throw it down early. So I had no idea. And then I found out that was a fucking thing. But I mean, I should have known better'cause I pegged him, so we knew he was into something, you know, so I mean, it's, we're like, no one's really surprised. I think it was drunk Scrabble may have been involved. I don't know. yeah, because Was that, does that happen before? Did that ever happen before or was that the time? No. Okay. So when I was staying with him and you came over. Yeah. Yeah. Shep is scandalous. See guys, I told you that motherfucker be breaking my heart. He was, Yeah. And then, yeah, I totally didn't care. You, you're living at the room. I'm like, on the corner of the house with like, you know, lizards crawl at my ass. You know, like some dude's blowing me. I was like, this is weird. This isn't right. But no, I've like, and then when I met you too, like, I thought y'all were fun together, but like, I've never really totally trusted him. So, I was glad whenever he sort of like got, went out of the picture and it was you there. And I, I feel like from the beginning you were kind of. Yay. Yay, yay. Caribbean Island, you know, for a minute. You know, you wanted to be there. it's like a lot of fun. It's a crazy summer camp, you know? But, I don't know. I didn't think everything would go to shit as fast as it did. And I think a largely it's just where we worked, like that shit hole. Any place that doesn't have a real name, whenever it's like it's supposed to have a name, but instead it's called like the other place instead of a real name. Like that's not the bar. It needs to have a real title, but it was our shit hole. So I can't talk about it badly too much. Uh, oh, I talked bad, bad shit about it. If you haven't listened, because I know you've been busy. If you haven't listened to any of these yet, like for sure bad. So guys, so, Levi and I were working at that bar across the street that I told you about that was across the street from that spot Woody's, where I got Justin a job and all that good shit. So I guess now it is, as good a time as ever. To, talk about the audition because I've never in my life had to audition for a bar job Oh my God. Absolutely not. What's so funny about the whole experience, because I didn't thought about this recently, I was like, not only was it, we're not gonna say sta an audition, but also that's what it was. It was an audition. It was during a benefit for, was it cancer? Is that right? yes, because it was in October, so it was breast cancer awareness month. So it was for breast cancer, right? Yeah. And it was like a very weird moment. And I also did not know that like, well actually there was supposed to be the biggest group of people at Woody's, but instead we got the biggest group of people because we're fucking ridiculous. We're goddamn pervert and we're really good behind a bar. And, Well, that's, while there was a lot of like, you know, head dunking that resembled like water boarding. didn't you actually take off your bra and, okay, so this was completely, this was completely my fault. Okay. So I am on, like, I'm trying to audition. I want this job. Now keep in mind that this dude does not wanna hire me because I am 28, not 18. And, you know, I'm like, I got like, I'm a fit girl. Like I'm cute, I'm curvy. He like skinny girls that were young and Oh, and he also was scared of you too. There was that like he was scared of you and I'm sure you could smell from a mile away that he had a baby dick. I mean, and he did. oh yeah. Well, you know, I got, I got the dar on that one for sure. Yeah, he was the total not problem, but yeah, he sucked. So he did make me, he did make me audition and. I was nervous'cause I didn't think I was gonna get that gig and I really needed it because I just flipped that fucking coin and everything else. And so I was stuck there. I had a hundred bucks and a carry on. Everything was really fucked. And all the money we were making on this audition show went to charity, which is fantastic, but your girl is fucking broke. Guys. I was bullshit. Please leave that. Give me a sheet. So I'm not gonna eat up by fan sleeves on a pallet that I'm sleeping on in Frank Bay. So it was just a absolute fucking disaster. And so I'm like, okay, we're gonna do this audition. And so Levi and I are like, fuck it, let's like, we're gonna go all out. We're gonna make a bunch of money. So we're on top of the bar, we're dancing, having a good time. I hop off the bar to make a drink. Levi's still on the bar, and he looks at me and he. No, take your top off. And I'm like, what the fuck? And Levi looks at me. Do you remember what you said to me? It's for, for cancer. It's for like, are you serious? I'm like, okay, fine. So I took my top off. I was bartending my bra, but then you're like, no, take your bra off, dude. I'm like, dude, this guy's gonna walk in. now I'm back on the bar in my bra and they're like, take it. Now you're on the ground making drink. You're like, take your bra off. I'm like, leave. Like, what the fuck? I want this job. And the second I took my fucking bra off the box, walked in the door. Yep, yep, yep. Just like that. Tits out for cancer. I mean, yeah, for cancer, you know, and we raised as, I think we actually still hold the record for that, for that benefit by the way. And I think it was your tits that really did it. I truly did believe that. It was the magic of your tits. Thank you. Thank you. And that was pre breast reduction guys, so they were really like fucking out, fucking huge. They really were there. You were. Yeah, it was, I mean, it was honestly one of the funner nights in, in bartending and in some ways'cause like that place was such a shithole and they were, you know, laundering money'cause he was trying to steal everything and getting away with it. So he didn't care how much we wasted. We could spit as much alcohol in someone's mouth as we wanted, or get some, you know, middle-aged woman with a cane on top of the bar to punch the ceiling to doses of mimosas. Like they didn't give a shit what we did. And we still have that song. I don't know if, if Beau is aware of that'cause she has not been down there in a long time. But when I was there during COVI, I walked in to what, probably 10 different bars and doses of mimosas would come on because we were there and people still. Do that song, which is all Thanks to Cancer Tits Bow. yeah. We had a good time. And he was like, fine. She can stay. Yes. Oh yeah. He was like, he was so mad about it. Fine, you can stay. And then the fucker stole our tips. And that was like the last, that was when it was like we were rapid, it was like time to go at that point. So this was just like a couple weeks in me being there and then I'm start working and then we have like this like three month stretch of us working together. And so during, I do have like my notes so we can somewhat try to stay on topic because me and Levi, we just fucking, like all the DHD is real over here. Yeah. It's real. So we kind of go all over the place. the dose is the most thing. We also did latch a lot too. Yeah. Latch. And we would get everybody on top of the bar dancing and like pounding on the ceiling, having the time. The best thing about it was like, you know, LA Tapa, fine dining restaurant is across the street and they, not anymore. It used to be there and they would just stand there. Arms crossed staring at us because we're so fucking loud. You could hear us at the fairy docks and we're ruining all the bouie fine dining tips on the, on the fucking sidewalk.'cause it was very loud. we were loud, we were so loud that we had a couple of friends that worked at, they were like concierge or some shit at a hotel on St. Thomas. And people were then like, at a point, a few weeks into us doing this shit.'cause it was a nightly show that we put on guys. It was like every night we went to work, this was the fucking mo. It was not just a, a runoff, it was every single night we were at work. We were putting on some sort of show, either dancing all weird and burlesque on top of the bar. And then Was that one time? Yeah. So we're like, we were bored as shit.'cause there was, it was kind of dead that night. And we just like, oh well let's just put on some leather by Tory Amos and do a little cabaret show. And then of course as we're doing that, who walks in the boss and he is like, what the fuck are y holding? Whatever we want. There's no one here. Lemme do what I want. I remember that one night that we were waiting on him to come over and grab our money and all that shit.'cause he was at, Woody's first. Mm-hmm. And he came over afterwards, but we had to pull all of the tables and all the chairs inside and it had like garage doors to shut the bar because it was an outdoor bar guy. So you had like these garage doors that shut everything to like lock it up. And, we had all the tables and chairs crammed in. So like, you can't move in the bar anymore'cause everything's shut down. So Levi had literally just have the spaces on top of the bar. Yep. And we couldn't move. And we were there like try, like, we were like wasted'cause we were always wasted. We were ripping shots. The space, oh my God. Nonstop. Nonstop. All, all night, every night between the, between the obos and fucking cocaine. We were always work life. No, we had no choice to do the cocaine because of the alcoholism. And then of course, you know, on top of that, when someone's selling your tips, you gotta figure out how to make more money. So if you move enough bags to the fucking bar, you can supplement some money you lost by your manager's stealing it. It's just, it's all, it's a circle of life. Mufasa. And so we just started making it louder and crazier and crazier. And then of course the drunker that either one of us would get there would always be an idea. So I took it from the handlebar in Austin where I was like, alright, I'm gonna baby birdie. So I hop up on the bar and I like Levi hops from the bar. We're dancing, we're doing our doses. And most is bullshit. And I like. Grab a bottle of Jamo and just dump it in my mouth. And then grab Levi's hair and put him down to his knees and pull his head back and just spit that whiskey right into his mouth. And like the fucking crowd You, like you, I want, I would love to say that the crowd went wild. They didn't, the crowd went, what the fuck? And it wasn't after that, that someone was. Yeah. Yeah. Its St. John. You're talking about a bar where if someone showed up at the end of the bar, the bar's full, straight shot bar, someone in the very end uses a fucking stick of speed stick deodorant and it gets passed all the way down the bar to the end of it. we couldn't afford sunscreen, bug spray, deodorant. We couldn't afford shit. Communal seed stick. Yeah. Yeah. Like, Hey man, could I get a hit of that? I'm like, yeah, whatever. Take it. You need it too, man. It was disgusting. We were using gin as mosquito repent. Just dumping gin down. Our bodies don't laugh. I did the other day.'cause I'm currently in South Texas, they're horrible down here. It's good for the no sees kids just telling you, rub the gin on your fucking legs. What? You Oh my God. That was, ha. I remember that. So at the time there was a mosquito virus that I guess is now making a comeback, if you've heard of the chicken goya. Yeah. Yeah, so chicken goya was a really big thing, down there at the time. Any of you did not want the mosquito virus? Everyone got it. I did not. I was very lucky. But it makes your joints like lock up. Like you couldn't open like a bottle of water or kind a doorknob, like it fucks you up. Levi actually got it pretty bad. I'll have tell you about it. So, the chicken gumbo is what we normally called it, but in Patois it translates into Broken Man or Hunched Man or something like that. And people kept calling in and being like, oh, I can't come to work today. I've got the chicken burrito. And I'm like, whatever dude, you're so fucking lazy. Like, no, I can't even move. Like whatever you suck. I'm gonna fire you, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then like. I got it and I was like, oh my God. Like I cannot open a beer. Like I can't do anything. it apparently is kind of like baby malaria in a sense. Like you sort of have it for most of your life. It can come and go. And in my own story, I ended up having a heart attack like six months later and they don't know if that's even why. And I found out later, like the chicken gonia is a big fucking deal, so look how kids chicken gumbo is back. So, um, yeah, for sure. Yeah. You know the thing I thought like popped up in like a news thing I was reading the other day. I was like, oh shit, it is back. I haven't heard of this shit in like 12 years. Yeah, but it's back. So Gin Jen. Was what we were using to defend ourselves against the chicken fucking Goya. Yeah. I don't think it really worked. I still got it, but I always smelled like, you know, Juniper something. So you know that's a scent. Yeah. And you're supposed to dab it on, put it on a cotton ball and dab it on. I pour on myself. We're just pouring it down our body like every 15, 20 minutes. the bar was made out of wood as well, and it was always wet. So wet wood. It's just like for Mosquitoes as a breeding ground. And also we didn't have coolers. Everything was done in ice wells. we just layered cardboard on top of cardboard underneath our masks was so wet. Forgot about that. Which Oh my god. Yeah. It was like, and so we were always in soup. We were always standing in soup and just a keto breeding ground. So when you walk in there, like you just, we had one of those, those rackets that, like those Zay rackets. Yeah. But like it was wild because there was just so many fucking mosquitoes and Yeah. You weren't eating like no one was safe. But I got out of there without the chicken Goya. God. But like I told you guys last week, I did end up with, lesions all over. But, that, like I said, that is religion thought. The, I thought it was because of the Deana water and it wasn't, it was because of that shit I was telling you guys about last week. Cocaine. Yeah. And I thought I was like spreading it.'cause like I told you guys, I was hooking up with Justin and he was the next one to get any type of like, weird scab on his face. And so I figured it was because we were banging that. Now I was under the impression that this shit was contagious, but it wasn't, it just, I was doing more cocaine than him. Or like his immune system was more resistant to it. I have no idea. So, yeah. But look, it was bad. Tweedle D showed up and his whole fucking nose was like, just the tip because his whole tip of his nose was red, was just swollen. I'm like, I think I know what you did last night. Like you Yeah, I had this like massive nose and then, that blonde chick too. She had it too. And so did, so did Chelsea. Chelsea had it too. We all had it. We all had it. I was like, I don't, yeah. Yeah. And it was like, and then I'm, and other people that I knew that like, okay, well on the island, I don't know if everyone's aware of this or not, but it's like socially acceptable to do cocaine. So like suddenly you have a small island of like horny drunk single people and everyone's got fucking weird skin lesions on their face. I'm like, this is not an STT and it's not the chicken gumbo, but mine went away as soon as I stopped using the cocaine, which by the way, that cocaine down there. Jesus. Can we talk about that for a second? I mean, like, so. I had done more drugs than I've known anyone to do in their life. And it's not a, not a champion flagship, but it's something. But like, the cocaine there, like, I got there, I was like, God, this shit smells like gasoline, you know? and then I found out why, and I was like, oh, that makes sense. Because they bring that shit over on cigarette boats from, the fast boats, from like the BDIs and it comes from somewhere else down island. So they literally fucking hide it in the gas tanks. So like, is that why? Yeah. Oh, geez. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. So I'm goling I'm running stuff too, guys. I'm giggling. I'm like, if you snort gasoline, do you get skin lesions? No, you don't. Apparently that's just from the love massage shit. That shit was so rough. Like I was saying, the guys from St. Thomas, like one of them was like a concierge, a hotel or something. Well, people were filming us and we had, I guess this guy showed up at our friend hotel with a video and was like, where our friends were just here a few weeks ago. Where do we find this? Where this bar? And he was like, oh yeah, I know exactly where that is. Like this. You wanna go? I said, you're gonna take the ferry to St. John when you get off the ferry. You'll hear them, follow the noise. And that's literally how it went. They followed the noise. Well it did. We were the definitely like the most live bar. But that was the whole point of him hiring you in the first place was to increase their business. Which is also why you were like, no, like she would be perfect for this. And, um, wait, keep in mind as we increase business, that piece of ly that piece of shit, never, did he ever actually give you hourly pay or were we still splitting my, did he ever actually give you, did he ever pay you hourly? I don't, you know, I honestly can't fucking remember. No, he, I honestly cannot remember. I know that in the beginning he didn't, and I was like, fine, I want her to work here because one, she's amazing, and two, she's gonna make me money. And so we were splitting my shifts together.'cause that was his original arrangement. He was like, well, I thought she could work here, but, you know, I didn't really, so if you wanted work here, she, he's all cocky about it. Well, she could just split your shift. I said, fine, fuck it. She could split my shift. I'm still gonna make my money the rest of them. And we did. but yeah, then eventually he came around and like, actually he was such a piece of shit and he finally, you know, stepped off his baby dick throne and gave you a, you know, some hourly I would like to discuss briefly, you know, like on St. John. it is an open air asylum. It is a alcoholics adult daycare center, communist daycare center in some eyes, depending how you're looking at that, I don't know which way you look at that, but like the amount of like just, um, rampant sex that everyone has, like with each other. It's very incestuous there. everyone's fucking, everyone, you know, and if they're not, they're trying to. I would like to just mention, you know, there was a certain person that was a brief magical country and Western star there, and I would like to talk about Chelsea in the fucking, bathroom. Oh, okay. So what's your recollection of this? So what, that's why I was gonna ask you, because my memory of it is more like, I feel like she did sleep with said country star and I wanna say that it was in the bathroom at the other. Bar. And that there is also a, I dunno if you knew this or not, but there was a fucking mirror that was like a two-way mirror in there the whole time. I did not what I did, I did not know that. No. Yes. I had no idea. Yes. I found that out later because I noticed that mirror being oddly placed and that is where you were supposed to watch, I think was what the thing was about. And that, and I never knew all Oh, oh, because like, because this country guy knew about that and we did it Uhhuh. Yes. Fucking weird. Yes. That is so weird. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, that makes sense. Okay. Because guys like this, this chick up, our friend came over, and we were, Levi and I were decently busy. And she came over and she's like. So I need you to come with me. And I'm like, what? Why? And she's like, I need you to watch me. Fuck this country music guy. And I'm like, the fuck? And she's like, yeah, no. He said he wants somebody to watch. And I'm like, it's what? They're like, yeah. He said, he said, bring someone that I trust. And I was like, well, don't fucking trust me. My, I'm a blackmail that motherfucker. I'm gonna film it. Like do not, I'm not the one. And I'm at work, remember my life that I think someone asked me to leave work to go watch them bang a celebrity. But no guys, I wasn't leaving work. I finally had a job. I wasn't leaving it just to do my girl a solid. So no, I did not. But that shit was weird. I didn't realize there's a fucking two way mirror. That makes more sense though. Yes, it does. And so I found out later from several sources of closing, one of my close friends now that, the manager of the bar or the bar, whatever it was, very much into heavy As and m play and into all sorts of, you know, fun, you know, pervy things that I appreciate, but like. Consent is number one. and apparently we were all being watched shitting or whatever, and I guess that's how they knew when I was doing cocaine in the bathroom, because I always wondered how they knew I was doing cocaine. turns out easy when the two-way mirror. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, Levi, you doing cocaine again? I'm like, I'm always doing cocaine. Like, what's this just a fucking lake? This is some revelation. But, uh, yeah, that's, that's definitely how, um, oh man. Towards the end of it. We were wrapping up, it was about time to get the fuck off island. Like I'm, the burnout was in so deep for me. Like I told you guys, we were working seven days a week. It just, it got to the point where it was basically just Levi and myself and like occasionally this other chick would work. but for the most part it was just Levi and I pretty much, and when we needed a day off, we were just like, fuck you. And we just went the bar. Yeah. I was like, I've never done it in my life where I'm like, yeah, no, but just, I've never done it since. But like, no, fuck you. Like whatcha gonna do the bar? Stay close. Like whatever, man. And I was, yeah. Well, you know, I dunno if you told your, your listeners about like the amount of alcohol we drank, but if you discussed with them when we were counting or we attempted to count our beverages. So the idea was like, oh God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one night, that one night I kept a business card someone gave me and I made a tally. On the back. And I think I still have it in one of my scrapbooks. And I made a tally on the back. And so the tally was for,'cause I generalized it because I didn't want, I didn't wanna like write down every single fucking thing. No. So what I did was I made a lit, it was a tally for beers, cocktail, or like beers, cocktails and shots. Mm-hmm. but I wrote it down as like, beer, vodka.'cause that was the only cocktails I was drinking. So it was like beer, vodka, which meant cocktails and then shots. And if I'm not mistaken, then like, that time I counted, I had like two beers and um, like 17 vodkas and 34 shots. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. and then keep in mind, we stopped the tally after we went out. We went out every night. Oh.'cause we went out after that. Yeah. And then I found it the next morning in my back pocket. Like, oh shit, who knows what it actually, you're like, way more organized than I am. So you were like, oh, I'm just gonna keep a tally. And I was like, oh, I'll tell what, I'm gonna keep the cups so I'm not gonna count my shots because I do a shot with you every time. So I'll just keep every cup that I drink and stack them into each other. And then at the end of the night, I had so many cups that I was unable to drink out of them. It was like a fucking stack of solo cups that I was holding them down. As long as my arms would reach, I gave up and threw'em all away. many drinks, we drank. Yeah. It was a lot. And it was, it was all the time. it was like bottles at night and it's not like, like Levi Center day. It's not like a fucking bragging point by any stretch of imagination. It's just, it's funny to think about in hindsight because we're not dead, but we were really just, we were going for it, we were going way over the board, overboard. And also on that was like one night because I would stay at Levi's place occasionally when like, if the shit was just sitting the fan either like on that boat with the crazy person I was staying with or when I didn't wanna sleep on the beach anymore'cause the fan place were crazy or when I just couldn't squat in that fucking disgusting house with the guy that I told you about that, that I told you guys about this stole all of my shit, including my sex toys. So I would stay with Levi occasionally, and one night we went back to his place and other people were supposed to come meet us, but we got there first and we like just unloaded our pockets that had in our bags, that had like all of our kit money from that night just crammed in there for no reason And it was just like. Just bags and bags and bags of like cocaine. Just little bags. Like little bags. Little bags because it's like, oh, I lost mine. Let me get another one. Because also every bar has like their little Coke dealer that would fit at the bar. And so all throughout the night you can just keep buying more. And so you lose one. You just get another one. Like you just grab coin. I'm like, ah. I just keep it moving. You just cut one off into peers, you know? It's just like that. And it was like, I wish back then, thinking back like, I wish that living arrangements were different'cause I would've rather had you just stay with me. And I loved my place there. I had a very nice place. I loved that place and I had the weirdest. Living so nice. You did. I liked your place too. But your living arrangement was strange. Oh my God. I was living with the fucking heiress to the smarty candy company and every, and those girls were all, oh God. That's right. And like I was surrounded by like, you know, 24-year-old girls. These, all these girls that like. Oh my God. They raged like a motherfucker. And it was Oh, for sure. Oh, impressive. Impressive. It was. But I still feel like they couldn't keep up. No, no, no. But they loved me. Oh my god. They loved me. But they, but I mean, they went for it. We had like our own like little, like our little St. John Rihanna. Yeah, I'm not sure. She was awesome. Oh yeah, she's doing great, by the way. So good. Her life is amazing. Didn't she move to Chicago? Yes. And like, managing a vegan restaurant, like she's, oh, love. Yeah. So good. Everything she deserves, you know? Yeah. she was always solid. And also, and just, and like, not that it matters, it fucking stunning. Oh my God. So fucking gorgeous. I know. Inside and out. Stunning. Yeah. She's the one who gave me my spirit animal. She told me that it was a jellyfish, and I was like, why? Because I've survived all these years without a brain. That's hilarious. It was so funny. But Levi would, lemme crash at his place sometimes. So this one night we went over to his spot and, we were unloading our pockets and like we had, so that was such a wild night. We had so many random bags of cocaine. And then Levi was like, take your hands and make a circle, out of your index finger and your thumbs, you put that down and that's your circle. And then you line up your cocaine in that circle size of your hands. And then Levi also had one in his circle size And it was, you went to see who could get the fastest in one draw. And if you couldn't finish it in one draw, then it's who can get around the fastest? I always win. And it was like, yeah, Levi always want, but I always finish Damnit or two hand grenade. But I completed a, oh my God, always. Oh, always Just so much. And then one time there were other people over and we like, oh, it was actually the same fucking night. So you and I did that alone before anybody got there. So we were like, woo, we were going for it. But then we like made little like rails for everybody, you know, because like trying to be good hosts and shit. And then there were people over and everyone did their little line. It was very cute. And then there were two left. And it was like waiting for someone, like a couple people to get out of the bathroom or do something. I can't fucking remember, but Levi's like, fuck that, I'm done waiting. And he just puts his nose in between both of these lines and just goes straight up the middle and just one up each nole like, like just like, just like mama taught me. Swear God. It was just like, it was just always chaos. It was that nonstop chaos and then we were just having the best time and trying to figure it out, but also just slowly trying to get the fuck outta there too. Like just, and trying to get the fuck outta there. Actually, I was just telling this story today. As you know, moments when you're dove when you're over there, you can't get anything done that's like necessary. The things that are normal in, in the US like that are like, oh, I'm gonna go do this and this and this. Well, those are very normal structured things like the dmv, the doctor's office, all these kind over there, all that normal shit is gonna be complicated. And so yes, it's, you were, she was, you were with me and we were going in to get my HIV medication and we're trying to, because I couldn't even figure out how to get that shit set up. Right. And so, um, we're on St. Thomas trying to do all this shit and like, we just give up and like we give up. And I was like, I, I'm kind of halfway lost and like, we're over it. And so we had like a bottle of rum in each of, I had a bottle in my backpack, you had something. And I was like, fuck it, let's just drink. So we're like drinking on the side of the road. And waiting for the bus, which isn't a real bus, it's actually just a giant truck that converted into a bus that's usually open air. But it's like a chicken bus. Exactly. Because it's also guys like you would hit, you would hitchhike back a lot of the times. Like instead of putting your thumb up, you would just point your index finger in the direction you were going and people would pull over and you'd hop in the back of their truck. So hitchhiking was also a very common way to get around the islands as well. And Levi and I did try to hitch hike for a minute. Nobody, like wasn't going anymore, picking us up. So that's when we were like, fuck it, let's just start drinking. And also it started to rain. It started to rain. It was, yeah. Yeah. It was like it started to pour profusely and then we both had to pee. And I was like, I gotta pee you like, like I gotta pee at the same time. I had the hiccups. And so it's while I have to pee, while it's raining while we're drunk, while we're stuck on St. Thomas and we're on the side of the road and you're squishing my ears really hard to like reverse the pressure in my body or some shit so that I stop hiccuping and then as soon as that's over with I'm like, oh my God, I still have to pee. And so we were like, I was like, well, let's just, let's just piss ourselves. Let's just pee. Yeah. Like, because at this point, like who air where it's pouring rain, like who gives a shit? So we did, so we like, yeah, we just wet our pants on the side of the road. Yeah. Side of the road in front of everyone. And then the bus didn't pick us up the first time, but it came back for the second time. I think. He wasn't really feeling the, pick us up covered and piss vibe. Yeah. But it was pouring rain. How would he know? I mean, we looked a little drunk. Yeah. I mean, we were fucking loaded. We were like making kind of, tube, like we were trying to like tube or make like snow angels, but in the mud water, what we were doing in the filth. Like, oh God. We're like, oh, maybe we can just slide down this hill. And I was like, take this so we don't have to walk. Yeah, just absolutely ridiculous because that was the thing too, guys, like, I didn't know, so Levi was going through some shit. His health was fading fast, but he was just like keeping it quiet. And I had no idea about, Levi being HIV positive or anything, because down there it's a big deal and in a bad way. So when Levi actually told me it was like don't say anything to anybody because like he, which is not how I live very much. Exactly. That's what you told me. Levi was like, this is not how I handle anything. I am like I, he's like, I, he told me he is like, I think it's really important that everybody knows someone who's positive. So that, Well, yeah, like, like normalize it Normal, yeah. So it's like, right. Exactly. And it's like, I like, he's like, I'm very open about this, but I can't be down here because. It'll, it'll, it'll get you dead. Kind of. Or like something it get you something like with the, with the queerness and, and the HIV and everything. So I didn't know for a hot fucking minute that this was the, going on with him until it was so bad and then he was without his meds for so long. Because like you said, it was just so difficult to get this shit taken care of down there. So when we went down to get his meds. But do you, I guess, based on what you just said, I'm guessing you didn't remember this, the reason why we couldn't get his fucking meds was because it was election day. Oh, that's right. It was election day and we didn't know, because you're not even allowed to vote for most shit on St. John. It's like part of the us but. I mean, we're like the US forgot about the islands a very long time ago. Like it's not a thing. And so yeah, you're closed for election day, but to vote for whom? Exactly. Yeah, you can vote. We can vote, but it doesn't get counted, so it's like it doesn't matter. So like what's like, what are we even doing? Yeah. So that's why we went down to get Levi's meds because we weren't even paying attention to election day. So obviously this is like the first Tuesday of November, so yeah. Nothing. It's like that all makes sense. Yeah. But at the time we were just like so hammered and fucked up. We had no idea. And then everything was closed. We got there, we went into the office like, and then we got to the office and all of the fucking doors were locked. All the doors were locked and we're like, what's going on? And then someone like, there was either a sign or someone finally came and told us that it was election day. And so we still could not get Levi's men. And so that's when it kind of escalated into a thing where, let's get the fuck outta here. like, we need to leave. Because you basically sat me down and you told me, you're like, I don't wanna die here. No, no. my T-cells at that point were very low. I mean, I wasn't living in a state of denial or anything. I just have a history of risky behavior when it comes to my lifestyle choices. And so I've been dragging it out too long. And like I've went over there probably six times to make this happen. It just would not one way or another happen. And it was, it was a big defining moment. Like one, your face was rot off and you know, like, and, and we were drinking way too much obviously, and I just missed Yeah. Things like air conditioning and, you know, normal gay sex and, cheeseburgers that it's like for actual fast food, I missed fast food and I wanted to not die there in a place with no fast food covered in mosquitoes, you know? And so it was, it was a good choice to come back and I'm glad, thank God we did. Yeah, I think I'll be dead. so when we finally decided that it was time to go, I had finally talked to Levi and I was like, look, the family needs to know, because we did have a unit of people down there, especially like I did, because they were the ones that I told you guys about that were like, Hey, like, you're family. You're not gonna be alone. Don't worry about it. And so, even though Levi was like, Hey, don't tell anyone, I was like, all right, I'm gonna honor this. I had to talk with them. I'm like, look it, like we need to talk to the family about this. Yeah. And so I was like, all right, I'm gonna tell them, but I'm gonna tell them without you around. And like, everybody cried. I was like, Hey, like, we don't need to do this. Like, he's the grown man. Yeah. He's had this like, he, like, he's, oh my God. Yeah. He was 19. Yeah. I've had it forever. Like, you know, like he's had it since he was 19. Like, it's like not, this isn't new information to him or like how his life, it's been like fucking. Almo what? Almost 20 years at that point. Yeah. Because you were what, Yeah. We're so old. I've had it. So none of that. So like I know. Yeah. So I think at this point, like you had it like 15 years, so it was just pretty standard for you. But having to keep it under wraps was super weird. And then I told everybody and they were all crying.'cause everyone's like, you gonna die? Like, I'm like, that motherfucker never gonna die. Nope. Yeah, no, it sucks. I'm like, but we wanna get off island. Because he told me he doesn't want to die here. So this is the plan. We're gonna start not filing our money to get off of there so that we could go die. So we go die in New Orleans. Yeah. So we could go die in New Orleans. So we finally decided that we were gonna leave and then that we did not know at this point that the boss was stealing from us. We had already had this conversation about how we wanted to leave and that we were done with this fucking nonsense. And then on top of that, it was like we went into work. Worked our asses off. We couldn't find the boss. We thought he was counting money somewhere else. We went to the other bar to go find him. Took a like a walk around. And then when we came back into our bar, which was also already closed down, just like I told you guys. Yep. All the tables and all the shit, everything was packed inside and we went back inside. To check and see if maybe he was there and he was with his hands in our kitchen, in our, in our, are counting our kids, stealing our fucking money. I can't remember what excuse he gave us, but like, it was a total bullshit thing and I can't either. It was absolute garbage and I dunno if you know this or not, but he ended up, going on the run and when he got back to Georgia, where the fuck he was living. he did a bunch of dirty, dirty shit, like criminal ass, like fraud shit. And he, if he ever sets foot back on that island, I'm pretty sure he'll, he'll, he'll disappear. He did a bunch of shit. Okay. See yeah, he did some dirty shit there. Like I told you guys last week, guys, I told you Yeah, it sounds stupid, but they will vote you off the island. Oh yes. And if you don't leave by your own accord, they will make sure that you're gone somehow. Oh yeah. Yeah. it's a thing. And he's, yeah, he's not allowed anywhere around there. The guy's a piece of shit. It didn't stop us though. We still made it stateside. So guys, so we're trying to leave, right? we book our one ways back to Texas because, that's where Levi's from, that's where I was living. But I was also very much trying not to go back there because I told you guys I had some shit that I'm not going to talk about in detail here because I have some shit. And so I was like, oh God, I have to hide. So going back to Texas, I was very concerned about going back to Texas. but we had to fly into Dallas. We get to the airport and we see the guys that worked at that fucking hotel that were the concierge, that were like telling other people to come see us in St. John's. They happened to be on the same flight.'cause they also from Texas, they happened to be on the same flight back there. And so we ended up getting on the pound with them. So how did we get that alcohol on the plane like that? I don't even understand how that happened. The bottles. Okay. Like how did we get those bottles? Yeah. It was on, well it was duty. It was duty free. Yeah. But you still can't sit in a plane and just open bottles of vodka and drink it. But we did. No, I No come completely. So I'm also very confused about that because that was very real. Mm-hmm. So I feel like we bought them in the duty free because once you're in the duty free area, that's after you go through baggage check and shit. Yeah, I that. And so we had already gone through baggage check and all of that stuff, but we bought a bottle and we took it on the plane. Like a normal, like a full bottle of like, I think it was Raspberry Smirnoff or something terrible like that. Yeah. And it was like a flavored vodka and we took it on the plane and we were chilling. Chilling. We were not chilling and we were, we were chilling. No, we were chilling. No, I mean, as far as like we as getting on the plane, okay, we were chilling. Like it wasn't, like, it wasn't getting on the plane with it, it wasn't a problem. We weren't even nervous because there was no scanners to go through. So we just got on the plane. I honestly, guys, I do not know how this fucking happened But we did get on the plane with this full ass bottle of liquor actually, did we not have two bottles? We had two bottles and they had a bottle. We have two bottle there, three bottles. There was three bottles on the, between four people. And then like sorting Adderall, other guys are, they're like grinding up Adderall and like we have, because it was, we up. Sitting directly across from like the aisle from them. It was, and it was wild. And we're crushing up these Adderall and like lining them up on the tray and we're leaning across each other, sorting them across the aisle. Do lines, lines of Adderall across the aisle of this fucking plane on the trays. And we're just like, and we're doing shots. We're having a good time. And we're to the best of my knowledge, we're being discreet. And we had to have been, we were somewhat, I mean, you know why? I know no one said shit. You know why? I know that we were, because as we're getting off the plane and comes behind the trash, the trash, I was trying to be all discreet. And I'm like, clank, clank. And I'm like, so she's like, she's like, you know, y'all have been working me pretty hard, but y'all have been real good, but you're this close. I was like, I promise we're done. Like you're the tall, I promise.'cause she came through with the trash bags and we put two empty bottles of vodka in this fucking trash bag. And she is like, baby, like, like, you're fine. We're landing trash, but like, fucking keep your shit together. God dammit. I don't even know how that was a thing, but we somehow made it work. And then we landed. We landed in Dallas. And So I love, I love, I'm a flamboyant gay man. I love gay men so much. And one of my best friends had a obnoxious. Fluffy White Labradoodle, his name was Teddy Bear. And we had gone out the night before, got hung over his shit the next day. And you look at me and you're like, goddammit, Levi, like I cannot get this fucking dog to come to me. And I was like, he won't come to me either. I said his name probably 20 fucking times and I don't even look at me. And you're like, well, you know, Michael's like super gay, so what if we just say it in his voice? And so you went, Taylor and the dog came bouncing across the room. So, and we were like, we would have a normal sentence like, Hey, we should go outside, smoke a cigarette. Come about. He's like, come running across the room. That's the only way. Oh my God. That's right. It's the only way he, his name. Because he was, yes, because I was like, I was like, Teddy bear, come here, Teddy bear, Teddy bear. Come here. But whenever Michael called and was like, cut ball. Exactly. Teddy ball. I'm like, alright, maybe we do that. Yeah, that's worked. Worked like, because I barely remember that. So like for a second I was like, oh well it's Texas. Maybe the dog speaks Spanish because that's a thing. No fluent in Favish actually was a thing. Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally fluent. Oh my God, that's fucking funny. Alright, so Michael drives us. the next day to your parents cabin, the middle of nowhere. Like fucking like Tyler or some shit. It was like, I don't know, like, like Palestinian near Tyler, which was really nice by the way.'cause we're like isolated at this log cabin. And was there even anyone there? Was it just us there? I don't even know. No. It was just us. You were like, my parents are gonna be here in like two or three days. Yeah. And I was like, that's great because we both really fucking needed to decompress. It was so crazy. Yeah. So we get to this place, it's so peaceful. It's so quaint. There's no neighbors around. It's so nice. And so we get there. And it's like, oh God, just exhaustion, but also like relief. And, but I know this was gonna sound weird to you guys, but like, we did not like shower. We did not bathe. Yeah. When we stayed at Michael's that night when we got off the plane, probably'cause we were fucking hammered and like all suited from the morning and like you don't bathe in the creeping anyway, so it wasn't, was different. So I was like, no. Yeah. And I told you guys about that with the fucking showers and my blah blah blah. And so when we get to, the cabin I was like, all right, I'm gonna hop in the shower. So I get in the shower and I swear to God, I'm taking like the longest shower, It feels so good to just stand under like heated water that I don't have to turn off so I'm like, shave everything. I'm like clean. This is incredible. I'm be clean for like four months. This feels so good. do you remember I got outta the shower and I was like, how long was I in there? I was like, and looks at me and he is. 10 minutes. I was like, oh my God. my concept of showering time has been so skewed by that point. I thought I'd been in there for 40 minutes, I got out, I brushed off. Because I was such a nasty nut. I brushed all my hair for the first time in Eon because I also did not have a brush in the Caribbean. I lost it probably. That dude probably fucking stole it, probably fucking himself with it somewhere. Yeah, he, he probably was, he's in the fucking handle of it. Odd, dirty monster. So I like brush my hair and I look at the back, like, I look behind me to see how my hair looks. I look in the mirror and I'm like, oh my God. My hair in the middle is like three inches shorter. I remember that hat, my hair on the side, because the breakage. so I had to cut like three inches off my hair to make it even, and it was just an absolute fucking mess. I remember it was December 14th was when we left. And so we got there and we spent 10 days. At this cabin and it was so nice and I made this like boozy hot chocolate with Bailey's or whatever.'cause we were raid like your parents' liquor cabinet. You hadn't, and you hadn't met my parents before. Had you I hadn't. I still hadn't met them at that point. No. Yeah. And my parents aren't lovely. They're so fucking cool. Yeah, they're great. They are fantastic. They, Were really happy that we made it off the island at that point. And they weren't so happy that we were planning on going to New Orleans, but they know I can't stay away. So, you know, they weren't terribly surprised. Although, before, before they come down, I kind of skipped. Yeah, we, we go to, we went to Austin and like, like I, my mom, yeah, my, well that was the thing. My mom loaned you her Corvette. I was like, what are doing? So here was the thing. we were like, okay, we need to get back. And Levi's mom, cricket, she's incredible. She is like four foot 11. Yeah. I, how tall you, she's this teeny little woman. Oh yeah. Like, she is just all the attitude, all the energy. We fucking love her. And we're like, okay, well we need to go back to Austin because I was trying to pick up some of my stuff from Tamara, like I told you guys about. So I, we went to Austin to get. As much shit as we could of mine that would fit in the trunk of a fucking Corvette. Choices. which was nothing. Nothing essentially. And so I left my dog with her still because I knew we were going to New Orleans, but we were gonna go back one Justin got to New Orleans and I was gonna get my dog and the rest of my stuff at that point. Oh yeah, yeah. And so we went down and so she's like, okay, well Levi can't drive because. Levi doesn't have a license and this and that, like, whatever, 15 years with no license actually. Yeah. And like whole and like, and Levi's, like, don't tell her, don't tell her. Like, because I, I didn't know if we got pulled over if I would like get arrested just because I didn't, I didn't know what was going on with my situation at the time. So, so we drove down to Austin in this Corvette. And went and got my shit. I forgot about this until just now. I mean, I'm sure I've told it before since it happened, but I just remembered it again. So like, keep in mind everyone, like we were on Caribbean time lifestyle where like you could just drink all the time. You could buy alcohol all the time. So we go to the bar and we're like hanging out with our friends and then we go to leave the bar and we're like, still wanna hang out. And we're like, oh God, we don't have any alcohol. So we go to a fucking CVS and I walk in and like. It's too late to buy wine. Here I am, like 32 years old or some shit. And I was like, oh my God. Yeah. Remember this? And so I come running outta the store. I was like, run, run, run. Your friend was so slow to get her life together. I'm like, so you need to drive. Like I just ran. I fucking ran out with all these bottles. It was Heather guys. It was Heather, the chick that I went to this wedding with in Niagara Falls the other week that I told you guys about. It was, it was Hooker that we were with. Yeah. And Levi's just like stealing wine from a fucking, yeah. From a fucking like a piece of trash. I know. And I was like, I. It was so stupid at the time. It seemed like a good idea and it actually was a good idea because how else were we gonna get drunk? I don't even like white wine, but hell, it worked. You know? You do what you gotta do, you know? It was bad. It was terrible. I just grabbed the biggest bottles I could find. I was like, they're big. So this is gonna have to work. Like go run drive at thirties in my, in my thirties. That's something you do when you're like 16, you know? And here I'm, oh, absolutely. I'm the thirties fucking stealing wine. Yeah. I was definitely too old to be doing that, but the moment was so Right. Was it?'cause everyone in there was pissed off. They're trying to buy alcohol too and they're like yelling. I'm like, this is my moment. This is my moment. It's a God moment. I'm gonna take this line motherfucker. And that's, yeah. That happened. Uh, and that's what you do when you borrow your mom's car and go, go to Austin. Yeah. So that's also a great idea because like, fuck whatever we were trying to be careful for. Right. God, I meet like all my people. It was really like, it was fun. It was cute. We went a few days and then we went back to the cabin with my stuff because then it was your brother who was going to end up driving us down. That is true to New Orleans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was your brother who was gonna drive us down to New Orleans and We will pick up there next week because Levi's phone's dying and um, this shit's just too good. that'll be fun. Yeah, that'd be great. So we'll have him back on the horn next week guys. we are gonna get off here for today. We're gonna wrap it up and yeah. Thank you Levi. I love you so much for being a part of this. I miss you. I love you. I miss you. I love you too. And I'll talk to you soon. Okay. Bye-bye. Alright, bye. That is it for, this round with the unhinged. J and I will pick up with you guys next week, and in case you didn't know, live your truth, someone will match your energy. just, you know, fucking, give them the opportunity to find you and everything will be fine. Alright, my babies and, uh, I will see you next Tuesday.